First 5 Minutes at a Waterpark With Kids

Me, Daddy, Toddler and Baby went to Alton Towers at the weekend.  This was the first 5 minutes in the waterpark with two children under 4!

Me: Do not go anywhere without Mummy or Daddy ok?

Toddler: Ok Mummy.

Me (to Daddy): Right, shall we get them in the toddler pool it’ll be warm, I think?

Daddy: Yep, let’s go.

Me (to Daddy about Baby): Do you think he’s warm enough?

Daddy: Yes, he’s fine.

Me: But he looks a bit cold.

Daddy: But he feels warm, he’s fine.

Me: Where is she?

Daddy: She’s right there, I’m keeping an eye on her.

Me: I don’t like her going in on her own.

Daddy: She’s got armbands on, she’s fine.

Me: She’s going into the deep end.

Daddy: It’s the toddler pool, there’s no deep end.

Me: Do you think he’s (baby) too hot?

Daddy: No.

Me: But he looks hot, it’s really hot in here, he’s got a full body costume on, I should’ve got baby trunks.  Oh God, did you put his swimming nappy on?

Daddy: Yes.

Me: Are you sure?

Daddy: Yes.

Me: Where is she, I can’t see her – oh there she is.

Daddy: I’ll take her on a slide.

Me: Be careful, you’ll need go on with her and keep her legs in, and lift her up when you get to the bottom.  Are her arms bands tight enough?

Daddy: Yes.

Me: I think he’s getting cold… Where’s she gone now? Oh God, where is she?

Daddy: She’s right there playing with the buckets. 

Me: Do you think she’s warm enough?

Daddy: Yes.


Toddler: OKAY!

Me: His skin is getting all wrinkly I think I’ll take him out for a bit.

Daddy: He’s fine, he’s only been in the water for 5 minutes.

Me: He’s cold, I’ll get him wrapped up in a towel.  Where is she? I can’t see her, oh there she is.

Daddy: I’m taking her on a slide.

Me: Ok, be careful.


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6 Alternative Baby Names!

For years I thought that Nicole Kidman had called her daughter Sunday Roast. Initially I thought ‘how ridiculous’, then I thought ‘oh she must have English roots’ a bit weird, but hey celebrities can get away with any names.  I actually grew to accept it until I read an article recently and realised her name was actually Sunday Rose!

My daughter is Florence Rose and my son is Tom Fox.  I gave my husband free reign on Tom’s middle name as he was to be our last child and his only son.  I was preparing for 11 members of Liverpool FC, or a list of his favourite actors but no, he wanted to call him Fox!  Which considering he had free reign I don’t think is too bad?!

I thought of poor old Apple Martin and a few other celebrity children and thought where will it all end?  So here are a few of my ‘name’ predictions for the future:


  1. HUMAN – Simple, to the point.  Can be shortened to ‘Hu’. Does what it says on the tin, this child is a human…it has a body with legs and arms and a head. A bit of an obvious choice but I think this name will catch on.


  1. CILLIT BANG – Just like Apple, I was thinking of something that represents cleanliness, freshness and purity.  But then I realised that it would be shortened to ‘Silly’ and that just sounds awful.


  1. LADY’S SLIPPER – We probably all know a little girl called Daisy, Poppy, Dahlia and maybe even Bluebell, Hyacinth or Holly. The list goes on!  The Lady’s Slipper is a beautiful flower, and it’s the rarest and most expensive in the UK.  Perfect name for a special little girl?


  1. HORNY – We’ve all heard of Brooklyn, India and other such names, which are often linked to where the child was conceived.  For me it would mean calling both of mine ‘Lancashire’, which doesn’t have the same ring.  How about tapping into the emotion we felt at the time, linking our child’s name with a feeling that expresses how much love was surrounding them at the time they were conceived?  It means thinking a bit outside of the box but the options are endless.


  1. MOSTLY DRY WITH SOME CLEAR SPELLS SCATTERED SHOWERS AND BREEZY – Types of weather and links to nature seem to growing in popularity such as Rain, Storm, Summer, Sunny.  This name, although a bit ‘out there’ I think encompasses most weather fronts.  It’s unisex and could be shortened to simply ‘Breezy’ or ‘Dry’.


  1. I’M NOT GIVING MY CHILD A TRADITIONAL NAME BECAUSE WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS AND ARE AT ONE WITH NATURE AND WANT OUR CHILD TO GROW UP WITHOUT BEING LABELLED OR BEING FORCED TO BE PUT INTO A CATEGORY SO BY CALLING HIM THIS HE REMAINS FREE AND FLUID– A bit of a controversial option. Not your traditional name but another that seems to roll off the tongue. It evokes a sense of deep meaning and connection to a life surrounded by free choice and equality.  It could be shortened to….well no, I don’t think it can be shortened but hey it’s unique.

Which names do you think are unusual and do have any to add to this list?!

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Just over a month ago I bought Olay Anti – Wrinkle Firm and Lift Night Cream.  It promised on the package that I would see a difference in just 28 days.  I never buy expensive creams or makeup but this was on offer for less than £7 so after not long having my 2nd child and feeling a bit of an ‘old wreck’ I thought I would give it a try.


Size – 50ml tub (and have used just under half of it in a month, which to me is good value for money.)

Cost – Under £7

Odour – No chemical odour like I thought it would have, it’s nicely scented and not overbearing for a night cream.

Consistency – Not too thick, in fact for a night cream it’s one of the smoothest I’ve had.


To tackle some of (the many) smaller wrinkles under my eyes so I concentrated application in this area.  I also get quite puffy under the eyes and was hoping it would alleviate some of this.


To achieve a clear comparison the first image on the left is before I started to use the cream and the image on the right is 28 days after using the cream.










I’ve added an arrow on the before image where I feel there has been an obvious improvement.  The two definite wrinkles seem to have almost disappeared.  I took the images with the same camera in the same position under the same light / settings and can promise I do not even have photoshop installed!

I was pleasantly surprised as to be honest I’ve always thought these things were a gimmick, but there’s no denying that there is a clear improvement.

The second set of images below you can see the whole area around and below the eyes generally appears tighter and fresher.  The arrow is pointing to where some thin downward wrinkles were, which now seem to have been ironed out and the slight puffiness has all but gone.








I previously have not been convinced by any of these types of creams but I can’t deny that this has made a difference.  It might not be that noticeable to other people, but because I can see the difference it has convinced me to carry on using the cream and hopefully get even more improvement the more I use it.  My skin appears more hydrated and there’s definitely more ‘lift’ under the eye area.

What do you think?  Do you agree?  Do you use this type of product and if so what is your experience?


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7 Baby Smells I Love (but most people think they’re gross!)

I just love the little smells my kids have! I’ve also realised that as they get older the smells get less sweet! Therefore, here is my list of favourite smells so that I don’t forget them when they’re cheesy teenagers!

Baby and Toddler Breath –  It’s not like horrible adult morning breath! It’s sweet and milky and I can’t get enough of it. I always have a good sniff and it’s yummy!

It means they’ve had a good sleep.

My Baby’s Hands – After he’s been sucking them all day I prize open his fists and it’s a lovely sugary smell.

It means he’s learning hand to mouth coordination. 

Milk Burps – My baby is 4 months old and doesn’t burp as much as he used too. But I still love the sour milk smell!

It means he’s winded and won’t gripe.

Baby Poo- Controversial, I know! I love a little whiff of baby poo!

It means he’s functioning properly and his digestive system is on track.

Baby Sick – This is my new perfume. My baby hasn’t been sick that often but the smell seems to linger for days!

It means he’s fed well!

Cheesy Neck – Another controversial one but just before his bath I open up all his folds and have a little sniff!

It means he’s enjoyed a feed and dribbled his milk.

Sweaty Hair – My toddler loves a good play in the park on a sunny day and is a bit of a ‘Sweaty Betty’. She’s one of those kids that goes red cheeked after 10 mins and her hair gets a little salty aroma.

It means she’s had plenty of exercise.

So is it just me? Or do you have a favourite baby smell!?


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9 Reasons Why I’m a Terrible Mother

When it was just toddler and me, I happen to think I was a perfect mummy.  I did the parent/baby class, changed her nappy the recommended 10/12 time per day and was on top of everything 24hrs a day.

Along came baby and my inner perfectionist who lived for ‘cooled boiled water’ diminished into a puff of poo smelling smoke and a terrible mother reluctantly appeared….

Now, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s ok not to be perfect and this thing called common sense reared its beautiful head and I’m now at peace with fact I’m not an NHS acclaimed / health visitor approved Mummy!

Nappies – Call me controversial but I do not change my baby’s nappy the recommended 10/12 times per day. I find it makes their sensitive bums sore and copious amounts of sudocreme are needed. They’re bloody expensive and I want to see a nice yellow poop to get my monies worth before slap dashingly swapping it for another perfectly clean nappy. Plus it’s more environmentally friendly.

Attend a Baby Class – I’m all for exposing babies to environments to stimulate their senses, get used to being around ‘other babies’ and developing social skills.  However, my 4 month old baby really doesn’t want to be reminded each week of how he wasn’t breastfed for more than 4 weeks, or that his clothes don’t get ironed (see point below). In fact I think to continue to attend these sessions would give him a complex, and he would soon realise he has an imperfect mummy, so we politely decline.

Ironing – I don’t iron any clothes smaller thanDSC_0071 a pair of granny knickers – no I don’t iron my underwear either, but I also don’t iron my little boys clothes who is 4 months old – report me now.  I find a good fold and press suffices on a t shirt small enough to blow my nose on.

Bibs – Now this is a really awful admission but my perfect friesmallnd gave me 7 bibs all with the days of week embroidered beautifully on the front. I have been known to use a Wednesday on a Saturday and even a Tuesday on a Thursday – could I get any worse?

I pad – Shoot me now because yes I let my 3 yr old have her own ipad.  Most people assume she’s gaming or playing Candy Crush.  Sometimes she does, but mainly she’s playing Snap, learning how to match animal noises with the right animals or learning her ABC’s.  This generation of techy toddlers need to know how to use a phone, Ipad and PC because it’s a form of education just as an abacus was in my childhood. She doesn’t need glasses because of over exposure to the screen and has not yet developed any signs of becoming a recluse.

Breakfast in the Car- With a baby to get ready and a toddler who likes to dress herself, do her own hair, put on her own shoes and check all the lights are off before we set off for nursery I admit that she’s munched on a piece of toast and drank from a ‘sippy’ cup in the car.

Swear – I’m not a ‘swearer’ but I have been known to shout the odd expletive in front of my toddler when I’ve burned my finger, banged my little toe for the 100th time on the baby bouncer or shouted at the dog when he’s barking in the window just after I’ve got baby to sleep.  Once or twice my toddler has repeated said word and being the imperfect mum I am I had a little giggle inside but then never responded to it.  I find so many people make a big deal about it that toddler remembers said word and will continue to say it for comedic effect.  As yet, I’ve had no negative reports from nursey but admit this needs to stop the older she gets!

Lie About Stuff – So when my toddler asks me to take her to Unicorn Land or that her one wish is to ride a unicorn, I’m not yet ready to tell her they don’t exist.  I will search the internet until I find a horse prepared to wear a pink horn for a day, or use those words all imperfect mums have used ‘maybe’ or ‘we’ll see’, but I’m not ready to explain the non-existence of unicorns just yet. (I couldn’t believe this either, why can’t they just be real, are they extinct or did they never exist?)

I even told her that when she went for her pre-school injections they were injecting her with pink unicorn juice, which she accepted with no doubt.  It seemed to work and I’m quite sure she won’t hold it against me in years to come but who knows?

The 10th RSVP – There was one weekend when she had 3, yes 3 parties.  I honestly don’t mind spending £30 on 3 different sets of Shopkins for 3 different children, but on the only weeDSC_0072kend Daddy was off work I had to decline one.  She chose the two she wanted to go to, but oh my word the guilt!

Oh no wait, that ‘mummy guilt’ was left in the womb when my second child was born. I spent too long feeling guilty for practically everything that this time round things are different.  I need to prioritise time with each of my babies and if it means wearing the wrong bib, not attending the 10th party of the week, eating breakfast in the car or telling a few white lies then call me a terrible mother, because yes that’s what I am!



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3 Ways We Argue… in a ‘Kid Friendly’ Way!

We try not to argue in front of toddler and baby, but sometimes Mr Balderdash is excruciatingly annoying, and my tongue gets so sore from biting down on it all the time that I absolutely just have to vent!

I’ve realised this week when we managed to have the most patronising, high pitched, quiet, no swearing argument that we’ve got into a bit of a habit of trying so hard not to shout that we’ve developed ‘kid friendly’ tactics so as not to raise our voices in the house. It got me thinking is it just us or do other parents do similar things? Here are 3 tactics used this week:

Indirect Insult

What I say – “Daddy is being a silly Daddy today isn’t he? He’s not being a very good boy is he?”

What I actually mean – “Daddy, you are being an annoying tw$t and I want to punch you in the face


Using Pet Names in a Patronising Way

What I say – “Yes, Darling I know that is the direction the satnav is telling me go, but it just doesn’t feel like this is the right way, ok Sweetheart?”

What I actually mean – “Will you just shut the fu$% up? I know that bit$% on the machine is saying go left but I know it’s a right turn ok?”


The Blatant Lie

What I say – “Yes, I’m absolutely fine”

What I actually mean – “Are you an actual moron? I told you not to delete Bake Off as it was the only thing I’ve been looking forward to watching all week, but as long as you’ve got bloody X Files recorded then that’s just fine, forget it!” *heads for the wine*

It did get me thinking what does everyone else do?  I have friends who think nothing of having a ‘spat’ in front of the kids as they believe it teaches them how to reason, mediate and that it’s ok to disagree as long as you’re seen to ‘make up’.

Others just seem to never feel the need to argue, and the thought of raising their voices in front of the little ones is just not an option.

I like to think we’ve struck a ‘happy medium’ between the two.  I don’t think our kids should think we are perfect and that nothing annoys us and think that the world is always just hunky dorey.  They should see how to handle situations where we disagree, or just annoy each other for no specific reason, and that as long as we make up in front of them and daddy says “sorry” (!) then it’s ok so have ‘off’ days.

Do you have any techniques for this situation? Do you argue in front of the kids? What do you think is right or wrong?



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