An Alternative Menu at Café Baby!


Start the day with a nipple pad of stale milk, accompanied by a shoulder of baby sick and side dish of mustard poop.


Soup of the day is a plastic bowl of cooled boiled water


Powdered milk with added probiotic for that extra afternoon boost. Just 3 scoops and you’ll be milk drunk!

Specials Board

Breast of mother with sore nipples mounted on a bed of no sleep with a drizzle of non-alcoholic jus, accompanied with pureed vegetables.h


Cotton Wool Balls dipped in cooled boiled water with a topping of Sudo ‘Whipping’ Crem.


Frozen Bonjelly with an iced soother

Guest Chef

Mrs Curdle has kindly donated her time to launch her new range of breast milk and will be doing some milking demonstrations at 1pm, 1:30pm, 2pm, 2:30pm, 3pm, 3:30pm for the next 24hrs, over the next 2 years. She never sleeps or eats so there’s a demo time to suit everyone! Book your place now!

Please return soon.

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

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