3 Ways We Argue… in a ‘Kid Friendly’ Way!

We try not to argue in front of toddler and baby, but sometimes Mr Balderdash is excruciatingly annoying, and my tongue gets so sore from biting down on it all the time that I absolutely just have to vent!

I’ve realised this week when we managed to have the most patronising, high pitched, quiet, no swearing argument that we’ve got into a bit of a habit of trying so hard not to shout that we’ve developed ‘kid friendly’ tactics so as not to raise our voices in the house. It got me thinking is it just us or do other parents do similar things? Here are 3 tactics used this week:

Indirect Insult

What I say – “Daddy is being a silly Daddy today isn’t he? He’s not being a very good boy is he?”

What I actually mean – “Daddy, you are being an annoying tw$t and I want to punch you in the face

 

Using Pet Names in a Patronising Way

What I say – “Yes, Darling I know that is the direction the satnav is telling me go, but it just doesn’t feel like this is the right way, ok Sweetheart?”

What I actually mean – “Will you just shut the fu$% up? I know that bit$% on the machine is saying go left but I know it’s a right turn ok?”

 

The Blatant Lie

What I say – “Yes, I’m absolutely fine”

What I actually mean – “Are you an actual moron? I told you not to delete Bake Off as it was the only thing I’ve been looking forward to watching all week, but as long as you’ve got bloody X Files recorded then that’s just fine, forget it!” *heads for the wine*

It did get me thinking what does everyone else do?  I have friends who think nothing of having a ‘spat’ in front of the kids as they believe it teaches them how to reason, mediate and that it’s ok to disagree as long as you’re seen to ‘make up’.

Others just seem to never feel the need to argue, and the thought of raising their voices in front of the little ones is just not an option.

I like to think we’ve struck a ‘happy medium’ between the two.  I don’t think our kids should think we are perfect and that nothing annoys us and think that the world is always just hunky dorey.  They should see how to handle situations where we disagree, or just annoy each other for no specific reason, and that as long as we make up in front of them and daddy says “sorry” (!) then it’s ok so have ‘off’ days.

Do you have any techniques for this situation? Do you argue in front of the kids? What do you think is right or wrong?

 

Mummascribbles

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My Do’s & Don’ts of Maternity Leave

 

The Naïve Dream: This is my 2nd time on maternity leave. The 1st time I naively planned too much to do.  I was to write that novel. I was going to start my own business, I was going to join the gym and finally get back into those size 10 jeans that have been in my cupboard since I was 17, and I was going to ‘find myself’!  It’s hilarious when you think about it! *cringes*

The Reality Check: I returned to work after 10 months. Three years later here I am again and I still have a wish list, it’s just more realistic! We all know we don’t ever actually get ‘me’ time anymore and it’s even more rare with a newborn AND a toddler to look after, but I’m learning to time manage.

Time Management: Time is precious.  My toddler goes to nursery 3 days a week. I know my toddler is getting the stimulation and education she needs at nursery, which I can’t give her at the moment with a newborn. These 3 ‘golden days’ are rigorously routined to make sure I make the most out of my time.

Of course, apart from the feeding, the bathing, the tummy time and everything else that comes with a newborn, it is possible to find some ‘me’ time.

I DON’T:

  • Turn the TV on – If the TV goes on then before I know it I’m a Loose Woman sat eating a bowl of Coco Pops and there’s a couch with my name on it.  5pm would arrive and I would have entered 3 competitions to win a car, voted on which anti- wrinkle cream do I think is the best value for money and watched a group of jobless adulterers with no teeth fight about who slept with the dog…
  • Do a Big Clean – I would spend whole days sorting out clothes, cleaning cupboards nobody goes in and tidying random drawers that nobody cares about.  The truth is that the house will always be untidy with 2 children, so now I just tidy as I go and try not leave everything for one day.
  • Go Shopping – I do all my food shopping online, I get milk delivered and anything else I need I pick up either on the way to or from nursery so it’s done before 9am. The thought of walking aimlessly and hopelessly around Sainbury’s  trying to remember what I need because I’ve left my shopping list on the kitchen table at home makes me want to cry!

I DO….

  • Read and write – I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not going to have a multi- million pound book deal in place before I have to go back to work (or ever) but I can take enjoyment from reading and blogging.
  • Take pictures – I love photography but don’t often get time to use my camera. Editing takes sooo long and also filing them, saving them and backing them all up.  I’m currently organising over 3,000 images I have of the family into photo books *collapses*
  • Get to a toddler group – To be honest I’m not a great fan.  I do like the odd get together with other like- minded mums and dads but with a newborn I sometimes find it more trouble than it’s worth. I occasionally attend one with my newborn and toddler on non-nursery day but I’m not sure yet if I attend out of guilt or whether any of us actually gain from it.  When time is precious you’ve got to be picky.  I don’t want to talk about piles and nipple cream.  I want my company to be worthwhile and first and foremost a benefit to my kids.

I’ve learned that there’s no more waiting for a ‘quiet time’ or for a ‘clear’ week in the calendar because something will always crop up to fill in that time.  I have to make time for small achievable goals because before I know it I’ll be back at my office desk wishing I was back on maternity leave!

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Being a Mum Has Made Me Thick!

My recent lack of drive, enthusiasm and passion for writing has sent me into a slight depression. It was literally the only thing I was good at before I became a Mum!  It was bad enough after my first born, but having just given birth for a second and final time…*ponders for a split second about having a third* NO! …the thinking part of my brain seems to have become detached from the rest of my body.  Just some examples of things that are now accepted as the norm in my life include:

  • Starting every sentence with erm, yeah, so, er, um…
  • Calling my daughter my son’s name, my husband my daughter’s name and my son the dog’s name…
  • Just accepting that sometimes I put the marmite on my toast before the butter
  • Being really good (and impressively quick) at getting everyone out of the house to nursery, going shopping, getting home and doing the ironing etc.
  • The reality to the above bullet point is that breakfast is served in the car (usually toast with marmite/butter) I ALWAYS lose my shopping list before ever getting to the supermarket, and I’d love to say I get the ironing done, but the truth is I’ve often forgot to even put a wash on.
  • I plan each day thinking I’ll get at least an hour to myself, and in those few and far between ‘hours’ I spend the time making a list of the things I should’ve done today but will have to now wait until tomorrow!
  • And repeat for the next 7 days.
mad mum
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8 Ways Our Toddler Says ‘I Love You’

I may only be 2 yrs old but I can tell my Mummy and Daddy exactly what I need (want). My actions speak much louder than my words!

When I put on the wrong shoes, or when Mummy gives me the wrong biscuit I scream and shout. It’s the only way I know how to tell my Mummy ‘I Love You’!!

When you helped me with my colouring book, teaching me to keep in between the lines. I kept scribbling all over the page so hard that the paper ripped and I drew all over the table!

That was so much fun and I tried to say sorry by drawing a heart on your arm but you took the pens off me.

When you lovingly cooked me a hot delicious, nutritious meal and I said “urghh don’t like it” so that Daddy will play the aeroplane game with me. I push the food off the fork and it goes all over the floor!  You say “no dessert for you unless you eat your dinner!”  It’s so funny that game, and you let me play that one nearly every night!2015-05-23 20.16.34

I leave you my favourite stickers on the doors and walls so that when you are on your own they will remind you of me!

 
I tore a page from my favourite book to keep under my bed. It reminds me of when you do that funny wolf noise in the story and he comes to eat the children and we scream and shout together.

I look at that page every night and the safest place I can keep it is be under my bed.

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And sometimes when I’m tired and I shout out things like ‘Put Dora on TV! ’ or ‘I want sweeties! ’, what I’m really saying is ‘I love you’.

I love to empty your purse of all those receipts and rip them up! That’s me letting you know that there’s no need to return those clothes you bought because you look beautiful in all of them!

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You get annoyed when I play with your lipstick but that’s because I want to be like you Mummy and look like you Mummy.

 

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Finally, when you are rushing to get me to nursery and you need to get to work and I take so long to do ANYTHING!

I take my time eating my porridge and spill a bit on my top so you have to change my clothes.

I put my shoes on the wrong feet and ask you to help me.

You get annoyed when you do my hair and I pull it all out. I sometimes throw a tantrum and hide under the table.

But the truth is, once I’m at nursery I won’t get to see you for the rest of the day.

In fact I do all this at bedtime too because I want to spend every minute I can with you.
 
I love you.

Can you pass me that biscuit please and pop Peppa Pig on TV before bed?  X

 

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